I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
