this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
