So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
