Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
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