Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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