every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
