k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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