I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
