Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I need to stop coming to work sober
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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