please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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