I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Randomize
