Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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