Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
