I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
