it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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