I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
