We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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