The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
