Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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