If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
