You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
