My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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