I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
