You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
