I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
