I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
