he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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