"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
