Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
