WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
