the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
