The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
