his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
