wrigley field is MILF paradise
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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