proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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