I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
