those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
