Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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