I met the friendliest cop last night
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
