If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
