what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
