all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
