I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
