Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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