I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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