I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
