So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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