Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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