If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
