Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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