In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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