Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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