soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
